30.04.08

i have a patient... whom i saw from far this morning, was crying.... (i was following the ward round during that time) i wonder why... and actually, from the beginning, i was wondering whether she had delivered her baby or not... and even before that, i saw, she was being consulted by a feto-maternal consultant.. [juz for ur info - she was admitted for induction of labour because the baby was suspected to have congenital anomalies...]

then, as we were moving from 1 patient to another patient, i heard a HO said sumthing.. she was asking permission from the MO and the specialist to leave the ward round, as she needed to prepare the discharge summary of a patient... she explained it was the mother who the baby was dead... i doubt... was she my patient?

after the ward round has finished, i quickly led myself to the back of the ward, to my patient's bed...hoping she's still there.. unfortunately, the bed was empty... nothing left... i juz asked where the patient was from one of the patient next to that bed... n asked wut actually happened..

and yes, her baby died...

and i am feeling sooo bad for not able to talk to her before she left... :(

i feel hopeless.. coz i cannot do anything to at least comfort the patient... but anyway, i prayed that, the mother would be strong enough to face this sad news... ~sape x sedih, after 9 months carrying the baby in her tummy, suddenly, the only thing she knew; her baby is gone...~

yes, it is part of ALLAH's test.... insyaALLAH, to test our iman... tabahlah menghadapinya wahai ibu...

Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false.

[al ankabut: 2-3]

note: ari nih juga, selain ia merupakan tarikh baby patient ku meninggal dunia, ia jg merupakan ari di mana genap 12 tahun arwah kakak sulung ku meninggalkan dunia ini... (30.04.96) masa berlalu dengan pantas... ALLAH x pernah cepatkan atau lewatkan waktu kematian walaupun sesaat.... waktu kematian manusia telah ditetapkan di alam roh...

dan aku terfikir, apakah yg telah ku buat dalam masa 12 tahun ini? tidakkah kematian kakak ku membawa apa2 pengajaran? apakah kematiannya tidak buatkan aku merasa takut dgn panggilan ajal yg akan tiba bila2 masa sahaja? adakah cukup persediaan ku utk hari akhirat kelak? ~mungkin, aku beralasan, aku hanya berusia 11 tahun ketika itu, tidak terfikir ttg semua ini~ tetapi itu bukannya alasan... kerana aku ada MASA SEKARANG utk mula berfikir! apa yg aku perlu lakukan utk menghadapi ALLAH kelak... bukannya 1 jam lagi, atau esok, minggu depan atau bila dah berumur 40 tahun...

nway, doakan, moga roh kakakku sentiasa dicucuri rahmat oleh ALLAH SWT... ameen